When Michael Peck's overbearing parents force him to compete in the Science Fair, he thinks he can shock everyone. Instead, Peck finds teen angst might be cliché, but it still sucks.

Barry Egan is a small business owner with seven sisters whose abuse has kept him alone and unable to fall in love. When a harmonium and a mysterious woman enter his life, his romantic journey begins.

In Bellwood, a mysterious figure teleports into town, and immediately starts destroying things. Ben Tennyson, in the form of Heatblast, confronts him. After a short battle, Ben seemingly obliterates the villain. Max Tennyson identifies him as Eon, an alien the Plumbers captured almost two centuries ago. When he arrived, he was half dead and brought a device with him called the Hands of Armageddon, which would open a time rift to the alien's home dimension and unleash his race upon Earth if activated. They travel to the containment facility where Eon is supposed to be kept, only to find it empty and his guardian aged to near-death.

Teenager Darren Shan is an excellent student and the pride and joy of his perfect middle-class family; his best friend is the reckless Steve. When they receive a flyer with an advertisement for a freak show, they sneak to the theater to see the attractions. The ringmaster is a vampire called Larten Crepsley, that has a lethal spider. After the show, Steve tells Darren to go home. However he returns and overhears Steve unsuccessfully trying to convince Larten to transform him into a vampire. Darren steals Larten's spider which bites Steve later and he seeks out Larten asking for an antidote for his friend. Larten proposes a deal to Darren.

Mr. Jack and Sweet Stephen cruise aimlessly through the streets of LA speculating about life, death, divine will and the force of power that predetermines their existence. Mr. Jack attempts to illustrate to his sidekick the delicate and natural forces of the universe. Sweet Stephen's superficial charm and bloodsucking lifestyle sends him and Mr. Jack on a voyage that is relentless, engaging, and darkly hilarious.

A group of college students visit a secluded vacation home to celebrate their upcoming graduation. The fun doesn't last long when a sadistic psychopath forces them to participate in his deadly contest. The rules are simple -- in order to survive they must kill each other. As tension builds, and relationships begin to crumble, they realize that only one can make it out alive. Could you trust your boyfriend? Your girlfriend? Your best friend? Only one can go home. So who will be the last man or woman standing?

In the near future, cloning is now technically advanced, but human cloning is still illegal. Adam Gibson (Schwarzenegger) returns home after working with his friend Hank Morgan (Rapaport), only to find a clone of himself with his family. Before he has chance to find out the truth, he is attacked by a group who want him dead. Adam must escape and find out the truth from the creator of the clones, Michael Drucker (Goldwyn). Adam knows for sure you couldn't have been cloned, but isn't ready for what he's about to hear.

We watch the Onion News, America's Finest News Source, with Dana Dobbs, Senior Correspondent Kip Kendall, and award-winning anchor Norm Archer. In addition to watching the news, we see the program's commercials, some commentary on the film as it proceeds, and we watch some terrorists in training. Behind the scenes, Onion News's corporate owner, Global Tetrahedron, seeks synergy by promoting its other products within Norm's news broadcast. Norm doesn't like it, especially when a toy penguin (think Energizer Bunny) waddles across his desk promoting a Global Tetrahedron film starring Steven Seagal. But Norm may end up needing Steven's help.